the rush

where did it begin,

was it the hen & gin?

started out

as a quick 

get away,

a time to play,

didn't mean to stay,

yet the heat

of the moment

was an electric shackle

which imprisoned

wanton desire.

as if on fire,

the cadence 

exuded by their lust

thrust them

into a don't look back

scenario.

she envisioned

herself

at a rodeo

doing a do-si-do

on the tip

of his libido.

a few more sips,

past the lips,

and their hips

bucked and dipped

in time to sweaty moans,

such sensual tones,

and they threatened 

to reach the mountain top

together. 

that damn liquor

always made her

give in quicker.

in the morning,

sordid confessions

to the vicar

would soothe

her aching conscience.

but for the moment,

her hunger

was satisfied.

that feeling 

was justified

when she testified 

with a thunderous

climactic roar...

her second encore.

he smiled,

she cooed

they embraced

and the mood oozed

into dying heartbeats

amidst sweaty sheets.

sweet surrender,pt 21

desmond sat looking at brenda as she quietly slept.the hospital room was dim and silent.he didn't know how much he cared until yesterday.the donation he made to help bury pam was something he had to do.a feeling that didn't leave.seeing her wounded helped him realize this woman had to stay in his life.he'd never cried like he did last night.''sir,would you like something to drink?''he looked towards the voice.a young nurse smiled at him.''um,no thank you.''''you've been here all morning.just thought i'd ask.''she walked away and his attention was back on brenda.she slowly opened her eyes.she tried to talk but her mouth was dry and stiff.''hey sunshine.how ya feelin?''she managed a smile.he moved to her and softly kissed her forehead.''you rest.i'll be right back.he found the nurse that had came to brenda's room.''excuse me,is there a donnie hogan here?''she checked her computer screen.''i'm sorry sir,he passed this mornin.are you a relative?he's had no visitors.''''no just an old school friend.thanx.''he walked back to brenda's room.she was sitting up.''hey baby.wher'd you go?''''oh jus check'd something.hey do you believe in destiny?''he pulled out a ring box and opened it.''if not,it's time to start.''FIN

sweet surrender,pt 20

''YOU PIECE A SHIT!''donnie stood and tried to kick desmond but the man sprung up and blocked the attempt.he grabbed donnie and pinned him against the island.''you a bitch,''he whispered in his ear.''just leave while you can!''donnie laughed.''sorry dawg,not in my nature.''a quick head butt made desmond back up.donnie reached for the gun and a shot went off.he looked down to see blood ooze from his side.he reached again and once more a bullet hit his arm.he looked towards a wall and saw brenda,slumped and breathing hard.a stain of red covered her chest.he looked towards the door to see lacey holding a .45 at him.''reach again and you die bitch,''she said with anger and focus.''i want you to.''donnie smiled his winning grin.he looked back at desmond and then at lacey.''you better kill me.cause if you don't,i'll make your world hell on earth.''''and if i shoot yo azz now you can see it first hand.your choice.''he looked at desmond who was ready to pounce.''you want her?keep that hoe.''he stretched for the gun.a single shot from lacey caught him in the neck and he fell against the sink.desmond ran to brenda and held her in his arms.sirens sounded in the distance.''hold on baby.hold on for me.''he wept as he rocked her...

sweet surrender,pt 19

''so i'm supposed to just jump into your arms and take you back?really?''donnie gave a half hearted nod.desmond chuckled beneath his breath.the pan was starting to smoke.''wow.hey can i get this chicken off the stove?i mean since you the man in charge,you gotta realize this is gonna catch on fire.''''donnie let this go.i don't love you anymore.all i feel is pity and anger.we can't build on that.''now he was confused.''bruh,can i get this food off the stove?''''you know you holdin us hostage rite?''brenda reminded him.''JUS SHUT UP!BOTH YA'LL!''he pushed past brenda,headed for the stove.the two of them talking at once was giving him a headache.all he wanted was the love he once had.he grabbed the handle of the pan.that's when desmond acted.he kicked the gun from donnie's hand.it landed on the kitchen island and went off.donnie swung the blazing hot pan at desmond,emptying the searing food on him.the shock stopped him for a moment then he felt a kick to his side.as he fell,donnie clenched his fists and hit him in the back.''FUCK U!''he turned to reach for the gun but desmond tripped him.he hit his head on the side of the island and fell on his back.desmond crawled atop him but was tossed off like a rag doll...

sweet surrender,pt 18

''ok you gotta be kiddin me.''''nah it's the real deal nigga.i'm here to take back wat's mine.''donnie held the gun on the couple and walked towards them.''sorry i didn't get that wine.you got some smart shit ta say now?''desmond smiled as he held brenda close.''you know this a punk move rite?wat else can you do to look bad?''''wait?me look bad?i got the gun an bout ta have my woman back!aint that rite bree?''this was the worst situation brenda could imagine.she had prayed donnie would just go away easily.that prayer came up empty.he stood there in all his glory wide eyed and crazy.the same man she used to love,now sent a cold shiver up her spine.''AINT THAT RITE BREE?!''the light brown woman walked away from desmond and stood between the two men.''i was never YOURS donnie.i was just confused and needed security.i thought you gave me that.all i had was a scared lil boy that had to rape my sister to show his manhood...you never loved me.you just wanted to control me...and that's over.''donnie looked into the focused eyes of the woman before him.he had never seen her stand strong before.as he held the nine,her stare almost melted him and pierced his soul.''i never meant for things to go like this,''he pleaded.''i love you.''...

sweet surrender,pt 17

brenda was shocked at how calm desmond seemed.she got a broom and dust pan.sweeping up the glass she smiled as she thought about dumping it out the window.she settled for the trash can.''you ready to eat lady?''''i'm starving!hope it's as good as it smells.''desmond pulled a couple plates from the cabinet.''hey i'm good at wat i do.''brenda washed her hands in the sink and sat down at the island.''is that anything,or certain things?''she asked with a sly grin.''ma'm i cover the point spread e'r time.always bet on dez.''he put the pasta on each plate.he was about to go for the next pan when brenda reached out and pulled him back.they looked deeply at each other.he put the pot down and pulled brenda close.their lips met in a kiss that meant more than the first.his hand found the small of her back sending a current of electric up her spine.she held his shoulders and escaped in the musk of his being.he kissed her neck and she felt her emotions melt away.he cupped her face.''as much as i want you,this can wait.''she looked into his soft brown eyes.''wat if i don't want it to?''with that phrase,three shots went off.the door was kicked in.''YEAH FOOL!WAT IF I WANT YOU TA DIE?!''the two stood in shock as donnie closed the door...

sweet surrender,pt 16

''that bread smells good.''''it's my mom's thang.use real butter and garlic.''the sound of a breaking bottle caught brenda's ear.desmond went back into the kitchen to check his meal.walking to the window,brenda peered out.her worst fear had sat on her shoulders like a giant gorilla.donnie stood outside looking up at her apartment.''I SEE YOU!LET ME UP!''he was drunk and couldn't stand up straight.''I KNOW YOU GOT SOME NIGGA UP THERE!''suddenly she went numb.she didn't dare open the window and shout back.this was her time for happiness.she wouldn't expose desmond to this.she turned away and walked towards the kitchen.''did you have a dessert planned?''she asked taking her mind off the hell outside.''i've got a sweet tooth that's drivin me wild.''she was about to get an answer,when a crash surprised them both.they ran into the room to find glass all over the floor and a rock in the middle.''dam who piss off?''desmond chuckled.he soon found out.''DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME!COME TO THAT WINDOW!''desmond gave her a look of concern.he walked to the window and looked out.''UH BRUH...SHE BUSY.BUT COULD U GO PICK UP A BOTTLE OF WHITE WINE?!PRECIATE IT!brenda was amazed at how calm desmond reacted.she knew that would make it worse...

sweet surrender,pt 15

the sweet smell of garlic encrusted chicken with spinach and linguini tickled brenda's nose.she laid back on the sofa and day dreamed.she thought of the last time she had a good home cooked meal.it was one pam threw together one evening over the summer.they were on their seclusion from men weekend.meatloaf with fried potatoes and onions.''how do you like your garlic bread?crispy or light?''she smiled listening to desmond rattle around in the kitchen.it was sexy and showed he could take care of himself.''crispy.BUT NOT BURNED!''she teased.that string of words brought her chef to the door.''ok so now ya sayin i can't cook?wow.''he dried his hands on a towel and threw it over his shoulder.''ooh aren't we sensitive,''brenda said laughing and looking scared.''honestly baby it smells wonderful.did you use white wine in the sauce?''''dam!you smelled my secret.i was gonna get you drunk and be a total azz.''''i don't cook with wine but i know it burns off.''desmond smiled.''you been watchin food network,huh?''he sat down next to her and kissed her gently on the cheek.''are you ok?''she fought back lingering tears and smiled.''yeah.i'll be fine.thank u so much.''''my pleasure.never pass up a chance to spoil a woman.''...

sweet surrender,pt 14

the talk lacey gave her on the way home helped only a little.when she walked into her apartment,the sights and memories of her personal hell were still alive and well.she actually didn't care what the rest of the family thought about her not being at the cemetary.she had to make sense of pam's death.she walked into her bedroom and picked up a picture of them in happier times.mean mugging the camera at kings island.she pulled the photo to her chest,fell on her bed and heaved heavy tears of pain and sorrow.''you coulda talked to me!you coulda told me!''the words landed on the walls and bounced back empty.she knew it would've taken time for her shy sister to admit something like that,but she'd still be alive if she had.she felt her pocket vibrating.she pulled out her phone and answered without looking.''hey.haven't heard from you.you ok?''the sweet voice of desmond caressed her ear.''hey.i...i just really haven't been in the mood.nothin personal.''''well i take not talkin to a new found friend very personal.how'd the funeral go?''brenda looked at the picture.the word funeral finalized it.''it was good.didn't go to the burial.''desmond sighed.''how bout i come make you dinner?you shouldn't be alone?''brenda smiled.''sure.''...

sweet surrender,pt 13

brenda's tears quickly turned to rage.''WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!''she yelled staring at lacey.''baby she wanted to tell you herself.i gave her that respect.believe me i wanted to shoot that bitch when she told me!''brenda looked long and hard at her friend and then fell back in the seat.''why?...why did he do it?''lacey put the sable in park.she sighed and leaned on the steering wheel.''he went over there cause she wanted a sack of weed for her and malik.it started gettin late.malik left cause he had to get up early.when donnie got there,pam asked him to smoke some with her.he took that as an invitation to do wat he did...it wasn't all on her.''brenda closed her eyes and shook her head.''you know he always wanted her.i could see it in his eyes.just never confronted him about it.''the women sat in silence for what seemed an eternity.brenda couldn't bring herself to cry again.and now she was ashamed to go back to the funeral home.''hey,i'll take you home.you get into your pajamas,make some hot cocoa and i'll be over later.i'll take care of the cemetary madness.''lacey put the car in gear and pulled off.being alone right now sounded good.away from the madness of her life.away from what seemed like hell...

sweet surrender,pt 12

''i'm sorry,''donnie said as he rose to leave.''you're rite.i'll never be the same in your eyes.i wish i could turn it all around an make it rite.''brenda stood looking at the man she used to worship.all she felt at this moment was disdain.she watched him walk out and hoped it would be the last time she saw him.all eyes and ears were on lacey and brenda.''anybody got a dam video phone?!take it all down!none of you know why she layin there dead!that bitch you saw leave is the one that killed her!''''bree,come on baby.''''no!all these phony ass family members.half of em didn't even know where we lived!''she snatched away from lacey and ran from the parlor.a cold breeze blew against her face and chilled the tears that streamed.she walked and ran then ran some more.the image of pam lying on her sofa lifeless wouldn't leave.what could she have had to tell her.the sound of a car,pulling up beside her,broke her thought.''girl get in,''lacey called out.''it's gettin cold and we need to talk.''brenda stopped,gave her friend a cold stare and walked to the car.she got in and stared ahead.''this is gonna be hard,''lacey started.''but donnie raped pam.that's why she came to you.''brenda looked at lacey and broke into tears...

sweet surrender,pt 11

the organ played low,the choir hummed and the preacher pulled heart strings.lacey sat next to brenda and held her close.the week before the funeral had been pure chaos.if not for a last minute donation to the funeral home,the whole effort would've been a disaster.lacey was worried about her friend.she was so busy making things work that she hadn't had time to cry.''why is he preachin so long?he didn't even like pam like that.we ain't been to church since we were kids.''''it'll be over soon.he just want her to have a nice homegoin.''''i'm tired.i want this over.''brenda looked around at all the people she hadn't seen in years.none made her top ten list.she sighed and let her eyes scan the parlor sanctuary.her body tensed up as she spotted donnie in a back pew.''excuse me,''she said pulling away from lacey and squeezing down the row.she was halfway to donnie when lacey saw him.''shit.''she whispered and moved to follow her.''WAT THE HELL YOU DOIN HERE?!COME TO FUCK HER ONE LAST TIME?!''''BRENDA!calm down!''lacey tried to urge.she grabbed her by the arm but she snatched away.''bree don't do this here.i came to~''''give your respect?nigga the only respect you got is fa them streets!get out!how dare you shit on this!''...

sweet surrender,pt 10

brenda waited until donnie was out of sight before she opened the door.she picked up the flowers and neatly tucked them back into the green paper that surrounded them.a while ago,that gesture would have brought tears to hear eyes.this time all she felt was nothing.she walked up a flight of stairs to her apartment and turned the dead bolt.it was open.she turned the key in the bottom lock and pushed the door open slowly.''it's jus me,''came the small voice from inside.brenda was relieved and angry all at once.she walked in to see pam sitting on the edge of her sofa.''bitch,wat the fuck?''''bren before you get started jus let me explain.''''so not answerin your calls and texts didn't give you a hint?!i'm NOT tryna hear you!''brenda slammed the door shut and tossed the box and flowers in a lounge chair.''i didn't do it on purpose.''brenda leaned against a wall and folded her arms.''ok i'm sorry.so you just slipped up and fell on his dick.oh wait.you was drunk,thought it was ya dildo until you felt a body attached.BITCH GET DA FUCK OUTTA MY APARTMENT!''''bren,don't please.''''how the fuck you gon bring yo ho ass here?gimme my spare keys rite now!''pam reached into her coat pocket,pulled out a gun and shot herself in the head...

sweet surrender,pt 9

brenda realized she was stuck.she couldn't say no to him coming or not go back to the mall.''sure...bring it over.''desmond smiled and pumped his fist.''cool!see ya in a few.imma close down now.''she wasn't crazy.she heard the anticipation in his voice as she flipped the phone shut.luckily she kept he keys in her pocket just in case that sort of thing happened.she was opening the security door when she heard the voice.''wat happened to your diet?''she turned quickly to see donnie standing behind her with a bouquet of flowers.her heart beat fast and no words formed.''baby look.i know i fucked up.i really,really understand you don't wanna see me.but i can't get you outta my mind.''''why are you here,donnie?i told you i need time.we don't work rite now.''the words made donnie sigh heavily.''just let me show you i can be wat you need.i been thinkin bout you since i left.''brenda moved inside.her emotions teased her but she had to be strong.she opened the box,got some icing on her fingers and licked it off.''was you thinkin bout me when ya dick was in pam?''that made his mood change.he slammed his fist against the glass door.''YOU TRIPPIN!''he yelled and tossed the flowers on the ground.brenda watched him leave.but for how long?...

sweet surrender,pt 8

a brisk autumn wind blew and swirled leaves around brenda as she walked towards home.she was angry that her emotions made her unstable.she was beginning to worry that the damage donnie had inflicted was deeper than she realized.''get a grip,''she thought aloud.''he was a dog and you sent him with his tail between his legs.you deserve better.''even though she said the words,believing was much harder.she looked at the cinnabon box in her hand.desmond seemed nice.she was ashamed that someone out of her life caused such a bad impression.she was more than halfway home when her phone sang out.it was the regular tone.she pulled it out and looked at the screen.''who the hell?hello?''''hey are you missin somethin?''the voice sounded familiar yet still unknown.''look,kick rocks nigga if you on them games!don't have the time ta~''''wait!it's me,dez.''''how you get my number?you a stalker!?please don't be that.''''wow you really need ta calm down.you left your purse on the counter.i took a chance that your number would be on something.''that's when she noticed her shoulder was bare.she had to leave it when she dashed out.another donnie disaster.''the kiosk is open another hour.you can come back or i can bring it and take you out.''...

sweet surrender,pt 7

brenda watched the man as he prepared the roll.he took glances at her as he poured the hot icing.her curiousty finally made her question him.''so,mr.sticky bun man,why you hangin out at a cinnabon?''that drew another smile from him.''this is my weekend gig.i'm a screen printer thru the week,''he closed the box lid.''and yes i make good change at my job.i wanna save up for a real vacation.''brenda reached for her purse.''no.this one's on me.''he said putting up a hand.''this won't make you stalk me will it?''brenda asked with a fake look of concern.''only if you want me to.didn't get your name.''she picked up the box.''brenda.and you are?''desmond.but please call me dez.my peoples were truly on crack when they named me.''they shared a laugh.''don't see you around much.you work weekends?''that feeling was back.a quick jab to the gut that brought her back to earth.most of her weekends had been spent with donnie.this was all new and frightening.''no.i,um...i have to be goin.''the sudden change shook desmond.''hey did i say somethin wrong?''''thanx for the roll.''she turned and found herself actually trotting away from the kiosk.away from the sexy smile and smooth skin.away from another man.she felt her eyes fill with tears...

sweet surrender,pt 6

brenda didn't think sitting alone in her apartment would be the best medicine at this point in her recovery.she threw on her favorite faded applebottom's,finished getting dressed and took a trip to the mall.the sounds and smells delighted her senses and made her feel like a kid.she was window shopping when the urge for a huge,sticky cinnamon roll came over her.''fuck it,why not?''she knew she was going back on her diet but she deserved some comfort right now.she endured the whispers and catcalls as she walked to the stand.it seemed empty.she patted the service bell with no answer.she hit it again.''ok,ok.dam!wait a min~''the piece of caramel that walked into view stopped his ranting and stared at brenda.she was pleasantly surprised also.''can i help you?''brenda looked the dream up and down.his broad shoulders gracefully tapered down to a nice waist.the slight smile he flashed was adorned by a sexy mustache goatee combo.his hair faded and wavy.two earrings topped it all off.''um,can i get a sticky bun?''the man smiled.''you know that's a setup right?''brenda was slow today,but quickly recovered.''ok we'll have none of that,''she chuckled.''how sticky~um,how much drizzle you want?''she watched the man squirm and smiled...

sweet surrender,pt 5

brenda decided a bath would calm her nerves.she gathered candles,an oil burner and put on some music.she grabbed her phone,put it next to the tub and eased into the hot silky water.she had used some mr.bubble and the the results were huge.she hadn't done that since forever.the vanilla bean aroma and smooth sounds of maxwell helped her eyes close and mind wander.just then,guccimane interrupted her thoughts.she looked at her phone.lacey.she dried her hand and answered.''is he gone,girl?''lacey was always right to the point.no chaser.''yeah.bout half an hour ago.''''how you feelin?''brenda paused and listened to the music.''it hurts SO bad...maybe i did the wrong thing.people change,lacey.''''but people change for them not you.you can't force a tiger to change those stripes.they use 'em to hide.donnie was a predator.he used you because he saw that weakness.''''but not all the time.we had our moments.when it was good it was dam good.''silence.''look don't start the rationalize phase.all you'll wanna do is think of shit to get him back in ya bed!own it.be sad for a while.you deserve it.don't feel like you jus gotta have him in your life.he fucked up.not you.i hear that dam maxwell,so finish your bath and call me back.''...

sweet surrender,pt 4

donnie looked at her and thought of the mistakes he'd made.he knew that her mind was made up.she would listen to his apologies in the past but this time she seemed different.he was determined not to let her slip away.''brenda all i need is a lil time to~''his phone went off.brenda shook her head and sipped the hot java.''time to wat,donnie?make up your mind on if my happiness is worth givin up your bullshit and workin together?problem is BRENDA doesn't have that luxury.go make ya lil weed run.''she sat her cup down,walked to the front door and opened it.''please don't make this harder than it is,''she said choking back her sorrow.he walked to where she was standing.he looked at her as she avoided his stare.''imma do it.you'll see...i'm sorry.''he moved to kiss her but she leaned away.''just leave...please.''he walked through the door and she quietlly closed it.she leaned against the cold wood and listened as he walked down the stairs.the show was over now.the tears began to flow in heavy streams that poured down her brown cheeks and made warm droplets on her feet.she turned the lock and slid down to the floor.her body shook from the cries of heartache that she let escape.it had to be done.today marked her new tomorrow...

sweet surrender,pt 3

''wat happened to second chances?''that was a laugh.brenda couldn't believe this man sat next to her and had the nerve to talk about forgiveness.she had overlooked so many of his transgressions she'd lost count.yet here he was with those soft brown eyes looking for ball four.''donnie this isn't a game.my life isn't a revolving door that turns only for you.i have needs that go beyond a wet pussy.''he tried to hold her hand and she moved away.the coffee was ready and she got a cup from the dishwasher.''can we start fresh,baby.i'll make it rite.i'll even get a job.''his voice was sincere.but this is what always got her.that shred of hope.''no.this is it,donnie.you crossed the line...and i don't think you can change.''''man look,fuck the corner.i won't do it.i'll get a 9 ta 5 gig and make us work.is that wat you want?''the thug is what actually turned her on about him.but it all went wrong.lacey had warned her but all she saw was sexy,cocoa donnie.''see...you don't even know what i want.''she poured a cup of coffee,put in her sugar and cream and walked to the bedroom.she felt him follow her.they both sat on the edge of the bed.''i'm gonna take a shower,''she said sipping her brew.''when i come out you need to be gone.''...