Question ( excerpt from variations on emotional suicide)

i lay still.
motionless
as a newborn child
curled in fetal position~
but my mind races.
tormented by the thought
of what i can't control.
wondering if we still beat as one.
i long to hear the sound of your voice
telling me how much you love me
need to be near me...
how you need to held
and nurtured like a raw diamond.
it never comes first from your lips~
leading me to think of the day you'll say
no more.
so i put on my mask and pretend
to be truly happy
when what i really need is honesty...
but each time i reach for you
you're not ready.
when?
when can i tell my heart it's not a casualty?
when can i say that it's good for something
other than crying for you?
should i wipe away the dreams of yesteryear
to make my emotions wait on a verdict?
funny...
you seem so content...
or do you question my love also?